I’ve become very anxious with my pregnancy. It’s been several weeks since we were at the doctor and saw an ultrasound. I don’t feel pregnant, I look pregnant but I don’t feel it. The whole experience so far has been very surreal. One moment I feel one way and the next it’s different. I’ve been feeling very depressed lately. It makes me feel like a bad person because I’m not enjoying it more. I keep hoping that once we find out the sex it will be more tangible. It’s hard for me to envision holding a baby, feeding, or hearing a giggle. I really never thought I would be a mother this soon. I wonder if I’m ready, if I’m stable enough. I look at Nicholas and he is so confident about being a father. He is a much more patient caregiver than I am. I know I will have to learn a lot from him (don’t tell him I said that).
My cousin Madison is a week behind me in her pregnancy. It’s nice to share the experience with someone who can relate to what I am going through right now. Last week at an Ultrasound they were able to see that they are having a baby boy. I am so excited for her and super jealous. I can’t wait to learn who our little person will be. We have another doctor’s appt on Thursday. Hopefully hearing the heart beat and seeing an ultrasound will help my anxiety. We won't find out the sex for another 4 weeks but I just want to know that everything is okay.